The Sauna

I have been craving a sauna since I don't even know when. Maybe it was around the time I first experienced a sauna, and I don't even know when that was.

Two years ago, the sauna crave came on strong and I asked around hoping to find one. No one new where there was one. Certainly not in the gym on campus. It doesn't even have a steam room. I gave up and let the crave simmer down. 

This past winter I came across a book that my grandma has about Finnish saunas. I flipped through it.

And the crave came on real strong.

I tried to keep the drool from hitting the page. Stopped myself from jumping up and searching for a sauna right then and there. Thought about the soonest I might be able to get in a sauna. Thought about the soonest I might be able to build my own sauna. Wondered why I have such an intense desire to sit in a sauna. 

I am only 25% Finnish. Though I contest that this 25% comes out very strong. I think my family would agree. 

So, suddenly, in a passionate loathing of my skin I asked my friend Sam if there was a sauna in the Humana gym, just a few blocks off campus near his apartment. It's a very old gym. 

He said yes. 

I nearly jumped out of my skin. 

I went there today. I drank a lot of water before I left because I planned on running first. I ran two miles, drank a lot of water, turned the sauna on, put my swimsuit on, and got in.

I was pleased with the sauna itself. It was very small, and all wood, though it had a standard electric heater and a gap between the door and the floor. I've been in one that had a glass and metal door, the door got really hot. I've also been in one with all tile floors and seats, slippery, ick. 

I sat in the sauna for about 20 minutes, got a good sweat going. I wouldn't have stayed in so long but I sat in there while it heated up. I'll have to give it more time to heat up so I can do a couple 10-minute cycles.

I meditated. I prayed. I sweated.

It felt good. I felt good.

I'm going to do it again. And again. And again. Until I have to leave this sauna. Then I'll find a new one. 

The Finnish sauna is many things. Least of all, hot. It is healthful, refreshing, sobering. It requires patience and determination, sisu. It is not for everyone.

...

I was going to add more pictures of saunas so I Googled them and they were all like slightly sexual, too modern, or staged. It was weird. I'll take a pic next time I go. Maybe Wednesday.

Here's what a sauna should look like:

You wouldn't believe how difficult it is to find  picture of a traditional (looking) sauna online. Goodness.

Mental Quagmire

I have been spending a lot of time alone, except for this past week in which I hung out with someone almost every day. It was weird. Anyway, when I spend a lot of time alone, I do a lot of thinking, which isn't always good. You know people who "think too much" and it's "not good for them"? I'm one of those people. I get stressed and worried and emotional. 

I worry about whether I'll find a job. Whether I'll get Teach for America in Indianapolis or not. Whether I will run out of money (I probably really don't have to worry about this but I can't help it and I'm trying to do the right things to manage it). Whether I will be able to complete my research. Whether I'll graduate, and do all the things necessary to graduate. Whether I'm even employable. Whether I'm crazy or depressed. Whether I have a real purpose I'm working for. Whether Joe is safe on his travels or not. Whether I'll ever be able to have a horse or a dog or a garden. Whether I'll be able to retain my friends when we all move away. Whether I'll get mugged walking around Louisville or if someone will break into my apartment (I also probably don't have to worry about this but I do). Whether I made the right decision about what to study in college. Whether my truck is going to keep running (also probably not something I need to worry about). Whether my family and dogs are doing ok or not and how often I'll get to see them.

So that's what I spend my free time doing. And the time I'm supposed to be sleeping. And the time I'm supposed to be spending in class.

Recently I was listening to Jack Johnson and one of his lyrics caught me off guard. 

"If this moment keeps on moving, we were never meant to hold on."

(Jack Johnson has some really great lyrics.)

And that's so true. So with every job application and interview that amounts to nothing I keep reminding myself that if it didn't work out, it didn't work out because it was getting out of the way for something that will work out.

I want a part time job. But, if they offer me a position and then tell me a few hours later they gave it to someone else, then it wasn't meant to work out.

I want Teach For America in Indy. If I don't get it, then it's not what I'm supposed to be doing.

I think it's very important to remember that even if you have your heart set on something it may not be the right thing. And you won't know until you have it or it passes you by. If it passes you by then it's getting out of the way for something else. The hardest part is feeling secure with this process. The only way to not freak out is to trust that God has something planned, and if you put your effort in he will reward it.  

Also, I'm sorry for all these picture-less posts. It's cold and grey and I am too busy wallowing in the quagmire of thoughts in my head to find things to take pictures of.

Why I love writing

Writing is

confessing

storytelling

venting

dreaming

lying

informing

mourning

whining

Out loud

Without

backtalking

judging

commenting

correcting

advice-giving

pitying

agreeing

mocking

doubting

Write on!

Thought Splatter

This post is probably not going to have any direction. It's where I'm at.

I love architecture. Especially bungalows. I still think about being an architect. I can hardly wait to get started on our house design project. We're visiting the lot today.

I love working out. We ran intervals yesterday. It was just like high school, except I am not fast. Not even remotely fast. I was hardly winded and barely broke a sweat.

I love coffee. I am trying to cut back. But I just had another 2 cups.

I love Joe. We're rapidly approaching 12 months, that's 1 year, of official dating. It's been more than a year since we started seeing each other.

I love horses. I think about them all the time. I can't wait to own one. I am already thinking of ways I will start saving money once I have a job.

I love dogs, too. I think about them almost as much as I think about horses.

I love photography. If it wasn't so ugly outside, I'd take more photographs.

I love writing. I have written in my journal 3 days in a row. That is an accomplishment.

I love warm weather. I love warm weather. I love warm weather. Thank you global climate change!

I love the birds that sit chirping and chomping seeds on my balcony. I will get a photo of that cardinal. I will.

I love blogging. Reading blogs is one of my favorite things to do.

I love looking at "design" and anything that might fall into that category.

I love designing printed things. I probably should have minored in graphic design.

I love food, and thinking about food. And I can't wait to have my own organic garden.

I love building things. I really, really want to build myself a desk similar to the old, wooden architect's desks that have adjustable tops.

I did not expect to write a list of things I loved. I was going to mix it up. And, in fact, I'm not feeling especially positive and happy about my situation at the moment. But last night I journaled my concerns and gave in to my pity, then followed with all the good things about my life right now. I felt better. It must have carried over.

In other news, I have a phone interview with TFA. I am applying to jobs left and write. (I am going to leave that as write, instead of right, because I think it illuminates something about my subconsciousness, I think) I am crafting a letter to send to horse businesses in the marketing/communications field. I really need to buy toilet paper today. And do laundry. And read for my architecture class. And do something artsy. And go to the UofL v. UConn game. And workout or do yoga, probably yoga. And yikes, I really need to figure out how to do this dang content analysis.

So I guess this post was all over the place. Okay. I'm done.

The Aforementioned Post About School

Yes, I am still attending school. Why do you ask?

Oh, I haven't written about it, you say? No, seems I have not. Hmm. Aint much to write about.

Well, I am taking 13 credits. This is nothing, like really nothing. All my previous semesters have ranged between 15 and 18. And, in all honesty, only 6 of the credits I'm taking count toward my degrees. But, 12 is full time and I have a scholarship I need to hold onto.

I'm taking a desktop publishing class through communications that is well below my skill level. I don't say this to be pretentious or because I think highly of my abilities. I say this because through trial and error it seems I have progressed well beyond a 300 level class. This is a very basic class. In my opinion, too basic. Especially because, for some reason, we are using PageMaker and not InDesign. PageMaker is the 1993 standard. InDesign is 2000+ standard. It's what people who are serious about their design use. And I understand she's teaching the basics, but the basics have changed, she should be teaching what's relevant. PageMaker has fewer amenities than Publisher, we should at least be able to make gradients! This class is not required for my degree.

Another class I'm taking, which isn't required, is an honors seminar. It's called Architecture in the American Home. It's interesting material, but the professor isn't the most creative presenter. We're currently talking about urban sprawl, it's pros and cons, why it took place and why it just doesn't work. We've also talked about city planning, different styles of homes and the progression of American architecture. My favorite style is prairie, made known by Mr. Frank Lloyd Wright (jeez his name is hard to type), and I also really like the bungalow style. We get to design a home and build a model. I'm looking forward  to that! I've always loved drawing houses and seriously considered (still consider) becoming an architect.

The third class I'm taking which has no relation to my degree is physical fitness and conditioning. I'm strong. Not really, but I'm fit! I need new running shoes though, my knees and shins have suddenly exploded in pain the past couple weeks. Also, I do yoga. For fun. And flexibility. It works.

To complete my Arts & Sciences requirement, I'm taking an anthropology class titled Food & Body Politics. Holy Fascinating! I love learning about the food processes we engage in, the history and all the externalities of our present practices. I'm so glad I'm allergic to wheat because I never would have given a second thought the food I put in my mouth, and now that I do I am glad I can't eat the majority of processed food out there. It's terrible, really. Did you know they put liquefied beef fat in the corn that cows eat for protein? The same cows you then eat? And that they cannot digest corn, causing a bacterial infection in their gut, which is why they get antibiotics, which is why-- Well, I won't continue, it's an argument for another time. I highly recommend reading stuff by Michael Pollan if the idea of cows and chicken being fed with parts of their relatives grosses you out. The point is, and this is confirmed by more than enough research, is that the less processed food you eat, the healthier you will be. I love it!

And finally, to finish up my BA in Communications I am working on a senior practicum looking at the usability of three different equine publications Web sites. Doing some content and form analysis, some reading, and some testing. I just finished up some reading so I'm going to be starting the content analysis this week, specifically Monday.

I'm also doing some prep for after graduation. I've applied to Teach For America, a well-known and respected program which places a variety of college grads into high schools and grade schools across the nation to bring the level of education up. It's a two year program, you go through a certification boot camp during the summer. You get a full salary and benefits in accordance with the standard of living in the community that you're placed in. I'm hoping to go to Indianapolis, close to Joe. Otherwise I'm looking for jobs in Indiana, Ohio and Kentucky. There are some big cities between these states so I'm sure I can find something. In fact, I just applied to 5 or 6 (I'm sorry I'm not using the same number system here, it's late and I think I'm getting sick) positions between Indiana and Ohio. They're all communications/marketing/copywriting semi entry level positions. Additionally, I'm looking around for a part time job to give myself a little breathing room and financial stockpile. I thought I had a secretary position lined up but they didn't want to take me on if I was going to be leaving so soon? Yeah, I don't know.

So... yeah.

And Joe visited this weekend. For our 11 month-aversary. What?? Yeah. Next month I turn twenty-freaking-two and we'll have been official for a year. I feel so old. And juvenile at the same time. It's really an unpleasant feeling and sometimes it wears on me until I have to freak out. I'm trying to be more organized so I don't have to freak out, but sometimes the concept of where I am at seems too big for my grasp.

Music recommendation of epic proportions- Jewel. Seriously underrated and under-appreciated.

So I'm gonna take some Nyquil (medicine recommendation of epic proportions) and go to bed.