Sheltered

Yesterday, I realized how small, restricted and sheltered my entire horse experience has been.

I have never ridden a horse through trails or a field that has not been part of a guided ride.

I have never galloped on a horse.

I've never jumped.

I've competed on two horses.

I have never had to deal with proud flesh, horses that don't cross tie, colic, thrush, or hot horses.

The majority of my riding was spent in a ring.

I have only ever fallen off once. I'm afraid to fall off.

Yesterday, despite having about ten years of consistent riding beneath me, I felt less coordinated and secure in the saddle than I ever have been, and I had to admit (out loud and to myself) to not ever doing several things which seemed ridiculous for someone who started riding at age 9.

I have been paired with a horse at Second Stride named Lucky Albert. He's great, really. At 3 years old, he cross ties, carries a bit and rider without a fuss, he's well-behaved and not mouthy.

And me? I can't get my legs to work with my hands to work with my brain. And I get nervous riding through big fields, afraid to trot, unsure of myself.

I am hoping and praying that being paired with Albert, and going once or twice a week to ride will greatly improve my seat and my confidence. And I want Albert to be a great horse for whoever adopts him.

***

Give me a field, a stream, a tree, a horse, a place to create, to get dirty, a place to move and dream out loud, until then I cannot breathe.

Life is really simple...

but we insist on making it complicated.

This weekend I spent alone, and though I had plenty to do, I tried to take it slow. I am just so tired of running around constantly being busy and feeling simultaneously unproductive.

Saturday I went to the farmer's market for some produce. I looked at an apartment that I think will be perfect for me. It has a small private courtyard. Duh. I made an omelette with foods from the farmer's market. I went out to Second Stride to groom some horses and meet Albert, the young one I'm paired with. After that I went to Trader Joe's. I also finally got new bike tires! Oh, and I picked up a frame for my painting for the KY state fair!

I didn't do much after that - ate food, cut up half a watermelon, dropped half on the floor (because I bought the cheapest ziplocs I could find at Target), scrubbed and mopped the whole nasty-ass floor.

My time at the barn was relaxing. I groomed two horses and just kind of hung around. I was supposed to get my evaluation lesson from the trainer, but it just kept raining and she had to show a horse to a potential buyer. It's fine though, I enjoyed watching her and the potential buyer ride, and talking to people around the barn.

Sunday I went to church, kind of wandered around my house eating for a while. I took my bike out for a spin. Then I sat in my roommate's hammock in the back yard for most of the afternoon. I did some sketching. I also took tons of photos yesterday. It was a little rainy but then cleared up. Sitting in the hammock was glorious, just glorious. I couldn't move, it was so peaceful and relaxing.

That's what I want from life. I want all my Sundays to be the same, I just wish Joe could have been around. He said he'd be doing yard work while I did art. 

In the late afternoon I worked out, made some food, and drank a gluten free beer on my front stoop while I edited photos.

Despite wishing Joe was around the whole weekend, and needing to get things accomplished, it was very relaxing. I keep getting this feeling of "I need to do something..." At work, at home. Often it culminates in me getting on Facebook, looking at blogs, texting Joe. I don't know what it is I actually want to be doing, but I just feel so disconnected most of the time, and this weekend I did not feel that way (most of the time).

When we were canoeing last weekend, my stress level was almost non-existent. This summer is almost half over and I feel like I've been sprinting the whole time. I'm soooo busy, I tell everyone, yet I feel as though I have accomplished very little. I desperately want a simpler life, one where I feel free to let my creativity flow, one that makes me happy and doesn't drive me insane, one that I can greet every morning with a smile and an open heart.

I know that I cannot find happiness by searching for it. But dreading work and feeling as though it sucks the life out of me is no way to live. I know I need to find meaning in it and make it my own, yada yada, but it goes against my grain. More and more I feel drawn to the creative life. How, and when, and can I succeed, and will I get tired of it, too, eventually? are questions that plague my mind every day. 

I found this quote tonight:

"Loneliness does not come from having no people around you, but being unable to communicate the things that seem important to you." - Carl Jung.

Perhaps this is why I have been feeling so unidentifiably disconnected and frustrated, compounded by missing Joe growing tired of the long distance repetitiveness and rush. There are things that are important to me that I can't put my finger on. I hope I unearth them soon and can pursue them so that I can get some peace of mind.

Rainy Day

Connecting by Disconnecting

At 10:30 am on Saturday, we dropped a cooler, backpacks, tent and sleeping bags into a canoe and set off down the wide, slow-moving Green River in Mammoth Cave National Park on one of the hottest days of the year.

20 miles lay ahead of us. From Dennison Ferry to the Green River Ferry, we saw a handful of other people canoeing or kayaking, but from then on, we were primarily alone.

A slow-moving river in a national park that is absent of people is one of the most quiet and serene places to be. We canoed in silence much of the way, the only sound being our paddles dunking into the water and drip, drip, dripping up to dunk again, a steady 3 mph pace. A break in paddling revealed an astounding level of natural sounds, birds, bugs, rustling leaves, a fish splashing up for a bug. It was almost sacrilegious to resume paddling, or speak above hushed tones.

Saturday's goal was 15 miles, which we estimated would be Crump Island, the last island before Houchins Ferry. Crump Island was actually about 17 miles down river. There was no almost no current on the river, meaning we had to paddle almost constantly; no taking advantage of the current. I wondered whether my arms would make it around 10 miles, but I kept going.

The seclusion on the river allowed to see a number of deer, and Joe silently paddled us close while I snapped photos. It's the closest I've been to deer in the wild, and it was almost surreal to see them up close.

A couple times we stopped to get in the water, which was as refreshing and relaxing as crawling into a set of fresh, clean sheets after a long, tiring day, as waking up in a warm sleeping bag on a cold dewy morning, as drinking ice cold aloe water after a day at the beach. The water was several degrees below body temperature and it was difficult to get out after sinking into it.

We also came to a cave, and stopped to look in, but there wasn't much to explore. The cold air coming from the cave was heavenly and would have been glorious to camp near.

Around 5 pm we pulled our canoe onto the shore of Crump Island and set up camp. The tent was up in a matter of minutes. After a half hour of unsuccessful fishing, despite being able to see the fish clearly just off shore, we set up the small propane heater and warmed up the broccoli, cauliflower, and pre-cooked brown rice. Paired with a couple cans of tuna, it was more than we could eat. We made room for s'mores on gluten free graham crackers as the small fire crackled on the shore and the stars lit up the sky.

The unbearable bugs drove us into the tent in a short time. It was hot. We tried to play Gin, but it only made us sweat more. We gave up on doing anything other than lying still in the tent and tried to fall asleep. I was so horribly uncomfortable that I didn't sleep much. Joe, however, slept fine. That night the moon was so bright it looked like early morning. I desperately wanted to sleep soundly and wake up to a glowing morning, but by early morning I was so exhausted from barely sleeping that I slept soundly through the best part of morning.

By 8:30 we were packed up and back on the water, and it was already very hot. We thought we had about 5 miles to go, so we wanted an early start. We really only had about 2.5 miles to go, and once the Ferry came into view we took it slow.

Along this stretch of river a pair of bald eagles had built a nest and had a few babies. We never saw the nest, but we certainly saw the bald eagles. In fact they flew right over our heads in an attack on a blue heron that got too close to their babies. The babies were almost full-grown, all brown and slightly smaller than the adults. We watched them as long as we could, that is until they flew away. It was amazing being able to be so close to them in the wild.

As we neared the Ferry, reality came creeping back in. I didn't want to leave the security of the river. I didn't want to have to say goodbye to Joe, again. I didn't want to turn my cell phone on, or unpack my things at home. I didn't want to think about going to work the following day. The mental peace and clarity I experienced on the river, in the middle of nature, with not more than a handful of human souls, and absolutely no extraneous noise was and is everything I'll ever want.

I Always Forget Jesus was Actually a Carpenter

"If you could peek inside the studio of any artist, designer or craftsman (dead or alive), who would it be?

I’ll bet Jesus had some pretty sweet carpentry skills. I’d love to see his work."

Oh my word. That's brilliant.

From Etsy seller Wit & Whistle on Featured Seller.

The Ridiculous Notion You Can Do Nothing to Get Healthy and Lose Weight

This greeted me this morning as I logged in at.

Link

This headline is so ridiculous. First of all, it says you can be fit and healthy by being lazy, but they qualify it by saying "slightly lazy." What? What is slightly lazy? 

The truth is, you can't be consistently lazy and lose weight. You can make swaps and adjustments on little things in your life that will speed your weight loss or health goals, but those things alone will not get you there. If you aren't fully committed to living a healthy lifestyle, it won't happen for you.

I'm sorry but if you sit on your ass all day in bed, and eat vegetables and eggs, you're not going to see much success in weight loss or strength gain. 

It's ridiculous that we value our health and bodies so little that we have to find "low-effort" ways to maintain it. Hahaha. Health is one of the first things you need to have to have a good life, or a life at all. 

Here's one of the weight loss tricks they suggest - 

"Carry a Clutch

If you’re going to a party, carry a clutch instead of a hobo or shoulder bag, says Marisa Moore, RD, an Academy of Nutrition and Dietetics spokesperson. It keeps your hands full, making it more difficult to hold both a drink and a plate."

Are you serious? 

Here's another one -

"Have Your Meals Hand-Delivered

If cooking isn’t your thing, consider a healthy meal delivery service."

Sure, because those things aren't loaded with sodium and preservatives...

And another -

"Nail It

Rather than mindlessly munch in front of the tube, give yourself a DIY mani-pedi."

Really? Paint your nails to lose weight! It's easy!

These things alone aren't going to help you lose weight or achieve health goals. Some of the other suggestions they listed are things you should be doing anyway, because you're conscious of your health, what you're eating, what you're doing. These are healthy lifestyle choices you make because it's important to you, and if it's important to you, you're committed and you make time to cook well for yourself and get adequate exercise. There is no weight loss or health trick. It's just good eating and adequate physical activity. Good grief, how many times does that have to be said?

Canoeing and Backpacking Trip

Joe and I rather spontaneously decided to go to the Green River in Mammoth Cave national park and do an overnight canoe trip.

We're canoeing about 20 miles and sleeping in a tent on the shore about 2/3 of the way.

This will be a sort of test trip for me. I've never camped in a tent, nor have I actually done a lot of canoeing. I've never backpacked either. I am so super excited tho!

One of our dilemmas in packing is what to do about coffee. I love percolators but they take up space. So I devised a solution- a way to have fresh, good coffee without bringing something to brew it and without resorting to instant mixes.

Behold the homemade coffee sachets!

Step by Step Instructions for Coffee Bags for Camping, Backpacking and Canoeing!

Fold coffee filter in half then in thirds to determine where to cut. Cut just outside the fold lines.

Fold edges over twice and stitch using a zigzag or even a straight stitch.

Stitch both sides first.

Tie knots in the thread at each corner but leave one corner with long threads. You'll use this to steep your coffee.

Fill with two scoops of delicious coffee. This Pinon coffee from New Mexico is beyond delicious.

Fold top over twice and stitch towards the tail of thread you left. Leave enough thread to match first tail and knot together at several points on the tail.

The finished product. Perfectly portioned coffee bags for camp mornings. Pack in a plastic bag and remove air to preserve freshness.

Done and done. All you'll need on the trail are these packets and some hot water!

So excited for camping and coffee!

*Update: 

These worked really well actually. The only thing I will change about them in the future is to put fewer grounds in, one scoop instead of two. The reason is that it took a while for the water to soak through the two scoops and get strong enough. I'm thinking two bags with one scoop each for an 8-10oz mug would be just right.

Making Life

A beautiful life is crafted by following the heart, your heart. To tune out distractions, be honest with yourself and stay true is the hardest part, harder than the actual doing.

I'm constantly entwined in the internet and all the beautiful things shared in it. I'm on Pinterest, Tumblr, Facebook, Twitter, Blogger, and probably some sites I've completely forgotten about. I see beautiful things all day. I envy people, I long for places I've never been, I crave things, but most of all I crave a beautiful life. And to see others with seemingly beautiful lives can often be just a reminder to me that I don't have all that I want. But, the reality is that people that only share the beautiful things online, we see the best moments of people's lives constantly, so our expectations get completely out of whack.

A blog I follow (that's really no longer active) is truly so beautiful I could cry. But, the author writes so honestly that I know she struggles to maintain peace and happiness as well. What her blog always reminds me of is that a beautiful life is truly up to you, you craft it and you edit it, but you don't have to share it.

Sometimes I get caught up in feeling the need to be involved in all these social media things because the people whose lives I admire do so. But, the fact is that I won't have a happy life living in someone else's virtual world and a happy life won't come to me through pictures of perfection on the internet. I have to go make it.

I have to go make my life. Life should come first. A beautiful life will result when you stay true to your heart. Facing your heart may be the hardest part, because it forces you to come to terms with your insecurities, indecision and weaknesses. But only by facing those things can we ever expect to grow or go anywhere.