Life is really simple...

but we insist on making it complicated.

This weekend I spent alone, and though I had plenty to do, I tried to take it slow. I am just so tired of running around constantly being busy and feeling simultaneously unproductive.

Saturday I went to the farmer's market for some produce. I looked at an apartment that I think will be perfect for me. It has a small private courtyard. Duh. I made an omelette with foods from the farmer's market. I went out to Second Stride to groom some horses and meet Albert, the young one I'm paired with. After that I went to Trader Joe's. I also finally got new bike tires! Oh, and I picked up a frame for my painting for the KY state fair!

I didn't do much after that - ate food, cut up half a watermelon, dropped half on the floor (because I bought the cheapest ziplocs I could find at Target), scrubbed and mopped the whole nasty-ass floor.

My time at the barn was relaxing. I groomed two horses and just kind of hung around. I was supposed to get my evaluation lesson from the trainer, but it just kept raining and she had to show a horse to a potential buyer. It's fine though, I enjoyed watching her and the potential buyer ride, and talking to people around the barn.

Sunday I went to church, kind of wandered around my house eating for a while. I took my bike out for a spin. Then I sat in my roommate's hammock in the back yard for most of the afternoon. I did some sketching. I also took tons of photos yesterday. It was a little rainy but then cleared up. Sitting in the hammock was glorious, just glorious. I couldn't move, it was so peaceful and relaxing.

That's what I want from life. I want all my Sundays to be the same, I just wish Joe could have been around. He said he'd be doing yard work while I did art. 

In the late afternoon I worked out, made some food, and drank a gluten free beer on my front stoop while I edited photos.

Despite wishing Joe was around the whole weekend, and needing to get things accomplished, it was very relaxing. I keep getting this feeling of "I need to do something..." At work, at home. Often it culminates in me getting on Facebook, looking at blogs, texting Joe. I don't know what it is I actually want to be doing, but I just feel so disconnected most of the time, and this weekend I did not feel that way (most of the time).

When we were canoeing last weekend, my stress level was almost non-existent. This summer is almost half over and I feel like I've been sprinting the whole time. I'm soooo busy, I tell everyone, yet I feel as though I have accomplished very little. I desperately want a simpler life, one where I feel free to let my creativity flow, one that makes me happy and doesn't drive me insane, one that I can greet every morning with a smile and an open heart.

I know that I cannot find happiness by searching for it. But dreading work and feeling as though it sucks the life out of me is no way to live. I know I need to find meaning in it and make it my own, yada yada, but it goes against my grain. More and more I feel drawn to the creative life. How, and when, and can I succeed, and will I get tired of it, too, eventually? are questions that plague my mind every day. 

I found this quote tonight:

"Loneliness does not come from having no people around you, but being unable to communicate the things that seem important to you." - Carl Jung.

Perhaps this is why I have been feeling so unidentifiably disconnected and frustrated, compounded by missing Joe growing tired of the long distance repetitiveness and rush. There are things that are important to me that I can't put my finger on. I hope I unearth them soon and can pursue them so that I can get some peace of mind.